Holy cow, what a day. At 10:15 this morning I looked around to realize that I was living one of those, "this is so happening to me" moments. Luke starts kindergarten in 2 weeks, so being a super organized mom, I planned far in advance... HA! I barely got the kid into the doc before the first day of school, and no, I have no clue where his SS card is. There. On with my story.
Luke thrives in structure and predictability, so Jake and I did our best to prepare him for how the check-up would shake down. Fortunately, everything went as planned - at first. He found great humor in filling the neat plastic cup in a way he's never allowed to repeat at home, he nailed the hearing test, he's literally off the charts in height and weight, and he made the nurse double take on the vision test as he identified every stinking object on the chart down to the last microscopic row. That's my boy!
Enter doctor. L and Dr. C chummed it up and had a great time. High 5's all around for great health. Exit doc. Enter nurse with her poorly disguised torture tote. Lady, do you really think a few stickers will hide the zillions of NEEDLES you've got stowed in there? Seriously?
To her credit she executed the finger stick with amazing skill. In fact she was so fast that Luke didn't even have time to cry. I was feeling so proud at this point. Luke's halo was perfectly polished and shiny...until... the shots. I've tried all day to deconstruct how this part of the visit fell apart, and I'm left to blame. See, I told Luke that there would be 3 shots. I know better. Never, ever give hard numbers to a detail-oriented child. It turned out to be 4, and for those vaccine-a-phobes out there, I'm sorry. Why one additional shot sent him over the edge, I'm not sure, but over the edge is actually an understatement.
Nurse Needle asked him to sit on the table and let me hold him. He started to cry. Understandable. He offered alternative plans like "Can't we just come back tomorrow?" Smart. He rethought the value of kindergarten and his special reward--dinner at PF Changs. Funny. But then things REALLY fell apart. In a matter of 5 minutes he is screaming his head off, kicking the nurse AND me, and refusing to get on the table. She called for her nurse bff to come help. No good. The 3 of us failed to reason with him or get all 56lbs of him hoisted on the table. Finally Dr. C came to help us (or salvage his pediatric practice), and even with his fatherly care and amazing bedside manner, he ends up joining the literal fight to get Luke on the dang table. Luke is still screaming, "Get your hands off me! You're choking me! I hate this place! Just let me watch! I'm leaving! ...."
I was so torn between laughing or crying because the situation merited both. I just kept picturing moms in other exam rooms covering their child's ears or texting their friends to say what a lunatic kid and unfit mother were doing in a room nearby. I so wanted to take Luke's place because he was justly afraid, and it was my fault since I gave him faulty info. I'm telling you, this kid is so in to the fine print that he yelled at the nurses who utilized the fancy double-stick technique for only giving him 2 shots instead of 4.
I'm not sure when he or I will fully recover from our experience, but I'm certain his mommy trust bank will be receiving non-sufficient fund notices for quite some time.
8 comments:
Poor, sweet Luke. I'm sorry it was a nightmare experience, but that is quite funny. I'm still getting over the time my sweet G bit the nurse causing her to stab herself with the needle. She was not amused. Hope Chang's was good!
I'm so sorry Luke had such a horrible event. However your retelling of it was great.
Hilarious. I know it wasn't at the time, but your rendition of the event was fantastic. BWC pitched a big fit at that same visit in GA but I was able to reason with him, somehow. Oh, our children, they keep us on our toes.
I am so sorry....that was hard for me to read....it's like a total re-enactment of Nash's pre-kindergarten dr. visit...4 nurses and me holding him down....it's torture, but nothing a trip to toysRus can't help. Trust me he will never forget the very last detail of that day! Ped. nurses need a big raise!
I loved the live storytelling, but enjoyed reading, too. Iknow it's the honest truth because you didn't change a detail!! Hilarious, but not, but really hilarious! I loved the part about you wanted to laugh & cry because the moment deserved both.
I am now convinced that Claire and Luke are truly siblings. Not quite sure how that one is supposed to work since they came from separate wombs, and, uh, separate other things too, but that dr. trip sounded EXACTLY like Claire's last year. For some psychotic reason, they do all the shots at 4 instead of 5 here, so she had the same treatment. Our breakdown occured due to mommy forgetting about the DARN finger prick. I actually asked them to only give her a few shots since she had one more year till school, so we will be revisiting nurse needle and the office of pain come November. UGH!
so first of all...sorry Luke!!! Next...OMG, I was literally laughing out loud and shaking my head in sadness for him all at the same time! And reading your post was literally like hearing you tell the story in real life! next time we're with you guys...remind me to tell you my childhood shot horror story...that took place in...india.
It looks as if your Luke will be winning that Academy Award right along with my Mary. She just went last week and Mark had to take her. She first refused to potty in the cup, throwing quite a fit just to drive that point home. After her shots (2 in each leg), she walked around for the next two days like a little old lady, hunched over and groaning every time going up and down our stairs. Jesus, in all His mercy, happened to heal her as soon as she walked into the skating rink for the back to school party. Fun times.
Alicia
kleppers.net
Post a Comment